* Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
* Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
* Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
* The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
* Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
* In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
* Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
* Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
* In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
* Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
* When an episode of Walker: Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
* Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
* It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
* There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
* Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
* Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
* Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.
* In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
* Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.