1 Some people say ‘your happiness will find you sooner or later’ … So I can’t figure out what’s going on: maybe I’m too good at hiding or my happiness is a lousy seeker …
2 My girlfriend recently said to me: ‘You know what? … I didn’t get knocked up at 15 … I never had to go to a drug or alcohol rehab … And no one ever saw me peddling my ass on the streets … In other words, I miserably failed to live up to my high school teachers’ expectations …’
3 Sometimes I think that women always tend to fall for alkies or wackos because every time I kiss a pretty stranger she asks the same questions like ‘You fucking drunk or what?’ or ‘You must be fucking nuts!’ …
Bonus: - What do you do on the job?
- I come in the morning and start counting to five …
- And then what?
- And then at five I get off work …
Extra Bonus:
A guy and a girl are riding in the same train compartment.
She: Hey, dude, I’ve been flirting with you for a whole hour but you still show no fucking signs of emotion … how about having sex already?
He: My dad has always told me that it’s better to wait for an hour than spend three hours trying to sweet talk a chick into having a fuck …
