Don Knotts Goes To Heaven

The great comedic actor Don Knotts, who played hapless sheriff's deputy "Barney Fife" on the Andy Griffith shows, tragically dies and is carried by a squadron of angels to the pearly gates of heaven.

He is greeted by a happy St. Peter who, although he always had the "hots" for Aunt Bea, was also a fan of Barney. St. Peter says, "Hey Barney, I mean Don Knotts. You know the drill. In order to get into Paradise, you need to have a joke published on the humordatabase.com."

Just then, Ron Howard appears in an ambulance. He hears the requirments to get into heaven and immediately goes into his old Opie character and chants: "The name of our deputy is Fife, he carries a gun, he carries a knife. The gun is dusty and the knife is rusty. 'Cause he's never caught a crook in his life!" St. Peter isn't buying that load of hogwash, however. He shouts out, "For crying out loud, Opie. That joke was not even semi-original. There's not a ghost of a chance you're getting into heaven with that kind of half-baked claptrap. Anyway, that truck accident you were in wasn't fatal, you're starting to come out of your coma, so get out of here." And with that, Ron Howard woke up back on earth and went on being a bald, but very rich, movie producer.

Barney has had enough and says, "O.K., St. Peter, let's get this over with. Here's my joke, but I want to deputize Ernest T. Bass here to be my straight man." "Go right ahead, Barney," the gatekeeper to heaven replies.

Barney: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
Ernest T. Bass: "Who?"
Barney: "Janet Jackson!"
Ernest T.: "What did she do, was she speeding?"
Barney: "Nah, she had one headlight out."

"C'mon into your reward!" St. Peter said to the always great Don Knotts with a big grin.