* You answer the door before people knock.
* You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
* You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
* The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
* You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
* You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
* You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
* You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
* You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
* You can jump-start your car without cables.
* Cocaine is a downer.
* Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
* You buy milk by the barrel.
* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
* You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize its not plugged in.
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
* You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
* Your Thermos is on wheels.
* Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
* You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
* You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
* You short out motion detectors.
* You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
* Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
* Your three favorite things in life are... coffee before and coffee after.
* Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
* Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an IV hookup.